u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
