I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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