this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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