hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
