my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize