Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
