is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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