they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
