Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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