god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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