were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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