he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
