So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
