Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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