i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
