Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
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Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
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That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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