I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
