She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
