I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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