Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
