Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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