New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
