I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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