apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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