capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
