My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
