You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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