She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
