we have pet lesbian snakes
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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