I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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