Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
