babies were throwing up all over the place
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
