I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
