We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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