How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
