is your mom at the bar?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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