every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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