JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
