haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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