I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
