First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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