My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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