He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
