You can't special order awesome
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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