mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
