tell your sister to shave her snatch
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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