So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
