I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
