you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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