His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
