planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
