i just wanna soil my oats bro
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
