the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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