Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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