this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
