Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
