last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
