Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
