There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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