when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
