We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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