This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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