No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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