forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
