I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
