He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're breaking my sexual little heart
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The air taste purple.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
