im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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