Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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