Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
