Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
