Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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