You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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