They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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