Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
