Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
