I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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