The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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