How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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