note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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