I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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