Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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