I want to have your abortion
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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