she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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