There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
