We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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