her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
