I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
