Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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