is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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