Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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