we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
