That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
